Sunday, May 23, 2010

My Therapy, My Outlet, ME!

This is my 101st post.

My 100 post was on Feb 26th. That was quite a while ago.

I was going to write this post about a topic quite unrelated to what I am actually going to write. But I couldn't form anything in my head or on paper without coming back to the same thing.

In April I suffered a miscarriage.

Just after my 100th post I found out that I was pregnant. We were very surprised and overwhelmed and surprised and very happy and surprised.

Yes the word "unplanned" comes to mind so surprised is a very good word to describe how we felt.

For those who are new to this blog you might want to read My IVF Story to realise how surprised we were.

But as I have already given away the ending of this story, at my nine week scan it the baby had only grown to show I was 6 weeks and a few days. A week later when the baby had not grown at all and there was no heart beat we knew this dream of 3 children was not going to come true.

I won't go into the details of my miscarriage (my third!) - it was awful and those who have unfortunately experienced it know how I feel and those who haven't cannot even imagine.

But it is over now. Our household is 'back to normal' and although we hadn't planned on 3 we want to try again.

Some people think I am crazy - "how will you cope?" "doesn't your Hubby work away?" etc etc.

Not many positive comments or encouragements I can tell you!!

But the heart wants what the heart wants. And it's OUR family and it's what WE WANT.

So there you have it.

When I found out I was pregnant I was thinking of all the great blog fodder I could post and bore everyone with my pregnancy. But I wanted to wait until the 12 week mark that we never made it to and I kind of fell out of love with writing.

It had once been an outlet and almost therapy for me, but with the miscarriage it would mean showing the world the sadness in my heart and I wasn't ready to share that - until now.

So now that this blog block has been laid out and enables me to move on I look forward to getting back in touch with my old flame and rekindling my love for writing.

My therapy, my outlet, ME!


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