She calls you at the last minute to cancel your plans together even though you thought they were set in stone for months. She says she 'isn't feeling great'. Regardless of the fact that you have organised a baby sitter had to for go having dinner with the family thinking you were grabbing a bite while you were out. And you sigh because this isn't the first time.
Later you find out she went out partying with someone else. A pattern she follows of more fun somewhere else!
No bother, you again excuse her poor behaviour because, hey, you've been friends for a long time and it's just the way she is.
She turns up at your doorstep and asks to stay. She has no where to go. You tell her 'just for a week'. She keeps you up every night while she's downing a bottle or two of wine (even though your not drinking) telling you yet again how broke and in debt she is, that her boss is picking on her, how 'That Girl' is a b**ch and how 'lucky' you are to have what you have.
Regardless of the fact that you have to get up at the crack of dawn and feed a baby. And that you too have to go to work because being 'lucky' means having to work part-time as well as being a mum.
Again you give advice knowing full well it won't be taken and you will hear the same story again in a few months because god forbid if she should change her ways. She says she's broke but hey, aren't they new shoes? And didn't you just buy two bottles of wine and instead of eating the dinner I made you, order pizza because now you have the munchies?
No bother, you again excuse her poor behaviour because, hey, you've been friends for a long time and it's just 'the way she is'.
You go out with her to a pub or a club even though that's not your scene anymore. She again consumes more alcohol than needed. She wants a 'man' but stand aloof and looks down her nose at any guy that comes along. You make chit chat with a guy standing near and all of a sudden she's not talking to you because you should have known telepathically that she wanted to get to know him. So you introduce them, she is all over him and he runs a mile. Apparently its 'your' fault. You want to go home and she says your spoiling 'her' fun. You get her inside and put her to bed while you 'don't' sleep on the couch. The next morning she wakes and says what an awesome night that was and you should both go out together more often.
Awesome?
No bother, you again excuse her poor behaviour because, hey, you've been friends for a long time and it's just 'the way she is'.
And then there the time that you had to go and pick her up after a incoherent phone call she makes to you doesn't know where she is so is wandering around. Of course you go and get her. She would do it for you. Right?
Or how she hasn't been able to hold down a job or keep the many 'acquaintances' she has had over the years because someone is always 'out to get her'. But she would be there for you too. Wouldn't she?
You listen to her whine and complain about some of her friends and you think to yourself "hey what is she saying about me when I am not around?" Couples are 'boring' but as soon as there is someone new on her scene you don't hear from her for weeks.
She tells you that you are the only one who 'gets her'. Actually your the only one who will put up with her crap.
But you know that one day, when yet again her crap comes a knocking you would have had enough. You will tell her the truth. But the truth is hard to swallow especially from someone who always looked the other way.
Will it matter to her that you always excused her poor behaviour or that you've been friends for such a long time? Will she give a crap that there is history there? Or will you just be chalked up as just another aqcuaintince in a long line before you.
But by telling the truth you will never get the phone call cancelling your plans, or drunk calls to pick her up. You will never 'annoy' her again by chatting to the guy she thinks is 'hers' or have to stay up late listening to her woes which she could change but never does.
Your shoulders will feel lighter but your friendship heart will hurt. Because instead of holding on to the one thing that was constant, she will, once she is told the truth, set you adrift.
So do you take the risk? Do you tell the truth or keep making the excuses?
'She' is a work of fiction, but if 'She' was real - what would you do?
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
A Heavy Bag
Today, Hubby & I met 2 other couples for lunch at Feral Brewery in the Swan Valley. I love the fact that even though it is Winter in Perth the place was busy with people enjoying good food and drink even if it meant co-ordinating a scarf with your outfit. This was one of a few meals out we have been too while Hubby has been home.
The difference between our table and the majority of the other tables today were the addition of kids. Small kids. Three 4 year olds & two babies (and one on the way which doesn't count as they brought their own seat)! A few years ago Before Kids (BK) lunch with friends just meant an impromptu phone call, picking a nice outfit, jumping in the car and spending a leisurely afternoon (and possibly evening) chatting, drinking and eating.
Oh how times have changed.
First you have to organise a date and make sure everyone is free. Especially for us seeing as my Hubby's job involves him flying in and out. So the date is usually set months in advance. God help me if it has to be changed!!
Gone are the days of spending an hour getting ready! I'm lucky if I manage to have a shower without an audience and its long enough to wash my hair (drying it may be optional!). There are 2 other people to get ready, well, 3 if you include Hubby. But luckily, although he can dress himself.
Then there is "The Bag" to pack! "The Bag" has to consist of everything you 'might' need while on the outing. Basics includes, nappies & bottles and other baby stuff for Bugalugs plus a plethora of entertainment items for Grotbag to keep him occupied. Because inevitably if you are at a kid friendly restaurant the kids will be fed first leaving them to be completely bored by the time you receive your meal. Colouring books, ipods and handheld game consoles have become life savers in these times of need. I can never leave Hubby to pack the bag as something is always left out and I end up having to fold origami style nappies out of paper towels!
Once at the restaurant there is a shuffle of seating arrangement to accommodate prams, men and women and kids in between. Hubby hates to be seated in the wrong position making him privy to menstrual cycles, birthing stories, the latest on Masterchef and other such girly topics. Gone are the days of political banter and mixed sex conversations. Time is of the essence and plus, colouring in while talking about Kevin Rudd can be a bit distracting. There is never all the adults at the table at the one time. They are either off supervising the kids on playground equipment or seeing to the younger set of babies.
Food turns up and you eat it as quickly as possible so that you can take the baby off your partner so he can eat his dinner which is getting colder by the minute. Meanwhile ice cream turns up for the kids so you know that the meal is nearly over before you have even looked at your desert menu. Then you look at the time and realise the dreaded 'witching' hour is close at hand and the kids heads are going to start spinning round exorcist style spewing phrases like "I'm tired", "can we go home now", "I don't want to go home" etc etc.
So you say your goodbyes, and say that "you must simply do this more often, why do we leave it so long". Talk about how you should all "go away one weekend with the kids" all while trying to get your kids to say goodbye nicely and not run in front of cars in the car park!
The thing is, I love meeting my friends for lunch out and about with the kids. We all have a great time despite and because of all the things above. Going out for a meal may not be the same as a few short years ago, but I would rather go out and have to be a bit more organised than not go!
How lucky am I that I have the opportunity to go and have lunch with friends? Having to do it differently is not better or worse than before kids, it just takes more organisation and more stuff.
In other words. Your bag just gets heavier!!
The difference between our table and the majority of the other tables today were the addition of kids. Small kids. Three 4 year olds & two babies (and one on the way which doesn't count as they brought their own seat)! A few years ago Before Kids (BK) lunch with friends just meant an impromptu phone call, picking a nice outfit, jumping in the car and spending a leisurely afternoon (and possibly evening) chatting, drinking and eating.
Oh how times have changed.
First you have to organise a date and make sure everyone is free. Especially for us seeing as my Hubby's job involves him flying in and out. So the date is usually set months in advance. God help me if it has to be changed!!
Gone are the days of spending an hour getting ready! I'm lucky if I manage to have a shower without an audience and its long enough to wash my hair (drying it may be optional!). There are 2 other people to get ready, well, 3 if you include Hubby. But luckily, although he can dress himself.
Then there is "The Bag" to pack! "The Bag" has to consist of everything you 'might' need while on the outing. Basics includes, nappies & bottles and other baby stuff for Bugalugs plus a plethora of entertainment items for Grotbag to keep him occupied. Because inevitably if you are at a kid friendly restaurant the kids will be fed first leaving them to be completely bored by the time you receive your meal. Colouring books, ipods and handheld game consoles have become life savers in these times of need. I can never leave Hubby to pack the bag as something is always left out and I end up having to fold origami style nappies out of paper towels!
Once at the restaurant there is a shuffle of seating arrangement to accommodate prams, men and women and kids in between. Hubby hates to be seated in the wrong position making him privy to menstrual cycles, birthing stories, the latest on Masterchef and other such girly topics. Gone are the days of political banter and mixed sex conversations. Time is of the essence and plus, colouring in while talking about Kevin Rudd can be a bit distracting. There is never all the adults at the table at the one time. They are either off supervising the kids on playground equipment or seeing to the younger set of babies.
Food turns up and you eat it as quickly as possible so that you can take the baby off your partner so he can eat his dinner which is getting colder by the minute. Meanwhile ice cream turns up for the kids so you know that the meal is nearly over before you have even looked at your desert menu. Then you look at the time and realise the dreaded 'witching' hour is close at hand and the kids heads are going to start spinning round exorcist style spewing phrases like "I'm tired", "can we go home now", "I don't want to go home" etc etc.
So you say your goodbyes, and say that "you must simply do this more often, why do we leave it so long". Talk about how you should all "go away one weekend with the kids" all while trying to get your kids to say goodbye nicely and not run in front of cars in the car park!
The thing is, I love meeting my friends for lunch out and about with the kids. We all have a great time despite and because of all the things above. Going out for a meal may not be the same as a few short years ago, but I would rather go out and have to be a bit more organised than not go!
How lucky am I that I have the opportunity to go and have lunch with friends? Having to do it differently is not better or worse than before kids, it just takes more organisation and more stuff.
In other words. Your bag just gets heavier!!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Birthday's & Miracles
Well today is my birthday. I turned 36. Sigh! Where have all the years gone! I was 15 when my own mum was 36 and then I thought she was ancient. Do 15 year old's now think I am ancient? Today I am also closer to being 40 than I am to being 30. Yikes!
A month before I turned 30 I started getting heart palpitations. I was also planning our wedding and looking for a new house, which I had completely under control. I went to the doctors as I would wake in the middle of the night my heart pounding in my chest. He has been my family doctor since I was 12 so knew me quite well. He asked if I was suffering any stress and I told him about the wedding and the house hunting. He looked at my birth date and said "see you have a birthday coming up, and you are going to be 30". I must have gone white because he just smiled and said, "come back after your birthday, if you are still having them we will do some tests...I just think your worried about turning 30." And indeed I was and funnily enough, after my birthday they disappeared. Imagine how I am going to be a month before I am 40!!!
It's funny when you have little kids and it's your birthday. Master 4 was so excited and helped me open all my presents (read HE opened them all while I ooh and ahh'd over their contents). I baked my own 97% fat free chocolate birthday cake of which Master 4 blew out the candle first, helped me cut the first piece of which he also had. And not want attention to deviate too far from him was pretty much centre of attention most of the day. Being an only child, you would think that this is hard for me but actually, I think it is kinda cute and love 'sharing' my special day with my special boy.
Today was spent how birthday's should be spent...with friends and family. Had a beautiful breakfast with some girlfriends where we gossiped and laughed and lamented how it was all very SATC. In the afternoon I went to my mums with the family where she made enough food to feed a third world country. We all went home comfortably full and all with doggy bags!! I looked around the room at one point while having my baby boy in my arms and saw Master 4 playing junior scrabble with his Great Grandparents, my cousin's hubby was watching the footy, other family members were milling around the kitchen snacking on yummy food, while mum busied herself with making sure everyone had enough to eat, my younger cousin Miss 14 was texting on her mobile & my other cousin, who is like a sister, had her baby boy, only 5 weeks younger than mine, in her arms chatting away. It was a beautiful scene and I feel incredibly lucky to have the wonderful family that I have. It was the perfect birthday present. The only thing that could have made it completely perfect would have been my hubby who, because of his job, misses a lot of these occasions which is sad, but a consequence of the life we have chosen!
And finally, today is not just my birthday. On this very day last year, on the 21st June 2008, my gorgeous little 4 month old baby boy, who at the time was just a small fertilised egg, was, by the wonder that is IVF placed back from where he was taken. Inside my womb. To miraculously grow into the beautiful little 4 month old I held in my arms today. He is and forever will be, the BEST birthday present I have ever received and I am truly honoured to share this special day every year with him. Thank you for being so strong, holding on and bringing me and your daddy so much joy. I love you little guy!!
A month before I turned 30 I started getting heart palpitations. I was also planning our wedding and looking for a new house, which I had completely under control. I went to the doctors as I would wake in the middle of the night my heart pounding in my chest. He has been my family doctor since I was 12 so knew me quite well. He asked if I was suffering any stress and I told him about the wedding and the house hunting. He looked at my birth date and said "see you have a birthday coming up, and you are going to be 30". I must have gone white because he just smiled and said, "come back after your birthday, if you are still having them we will do some tests...I just think your worried about turning 30." And indeed I was and funnily enough, after my birthday they disappeared. Imagine how I am going to be a month before I am 40!!!
It's funny when you have little kids and it's your birthday. Master 4 was so excited and helped me open all my presents (read HE opened them all while I ooh and ahh'd over their contents). I baked my own 97% fat free chocolate birthday cake of which Master 4 blew out the candle first, helped me cut the first piece of which he also had. And not want attention to deviate too far from him was pretty much centre of attention most of the day. Being an only child, you would think that this is hard for me but actually, I think it is kinda cute and love 'sharing' my special day with my special boy.
Today was spent how birthday's should be spent...with friends and family. Had a beautiful breakfast with some girlfriends where we gossiped and laughed and lamented how it was all very SATC. In the afternoon I went to my mums with the family where she made enough food to feed a third world country. We all went home comfortably full and all with doggy bags!! I looked around the room at one point while having my baby boy in my arms and saw Master 4 playing junior scrabble with his Great Grandparents, my cousin's hubby was watching the footy, other family members were milling around the kitchen snacking on yummy food, while mum busied herself with making sure everyone had enough to eat, my younger cousin Miss 14 was texting on her mobile & my other cousin, who is like a sister, had her baby boy, only 5 weeks younger than mine, in her arms chatting away. It was a beautiful scene and I feel incredibly lucky to have the wonderful family that I have. It was the perfect birthday present. The only thing that could have made it completely perfect would have been my hubby who, because of his job, misses a lot of these occasions which is sad, but a consequence of the life we have chosen!
And finally, today is not just my birthday. On this very day last year, on the 21st June 2008, my gorgeous little 4 month old baby boy, who at the time was just a small fertilised egg, was, by the wonder that is IVF placed back from where he was taken. Inside my womb. To miraculously grow into the beautiful little 4 month old I held in my arms today. He is and forever will be, the BEST birthday present I have ever received and I am truly honoured to share this special day every year with him. Thank you for being so strong, holding on and bringing me and your daddy so much joy. I love you little guy!!
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