You can read:
Part One Here
Part Two Here
Part Three Here
I just sat staring a the blood. I nearly fainted and just burst into tears. I couldn't believe that this could be happening to me again after all we had been through. I quickly went back to my desk and called Dr N and she told me to come straight in for a scan. I called my Mum as Hubby was working away and she met me at the hospital. Mum held my hand anxiously with reassuring words and I felt like I couldn't breathe.
The lady doing my scan turned on all the equipment and started the scan. And there was a little heartbeat pounding away everything was fine.
The bleeding was being cause by a small hemorrhage that would heal itself as I got bigger and further into my pregnancy. However I was unable to do anything that raised my heartbeat as this would cause it to start bleeding. This meant that I could not walk to work from the train station as I had been doing. So I needed to drive to work. Only trouble was that I worked in the City where parking was at a premium. We had spaces under our building but they were all occupied.
I called my Boss and told him the situation. That because I couldn’t park near work that I would have to quit as I wasn’t going to risk this pregnancy. He spoke to the Managing Director who didn’t want me to just quit and he offered me his space! I couldn’t believe it. It was so kind and I realized how lucky I was.
Because only my team knew that I was pregnant I was getting funny looks parking in the MD’s spot. People wanted to ask me but didn’t dare which was really funny and I quite liked the gossip. Of course when they found out I was pregnant it all clicked into place!
After that my pregnancy continued as normal. I still bleed from time to time and I had quite a lot of morning sickness and of course I tired easier having a 3 year old to run around after as well. But all in all it was fine. I was having a planned C Section this time on the advice of Dr N which was scheduled for the beginning of March. We needed to have some work done in the house so we booked for all our floors to be relaid, new blinds and other bits and pieces to be done. Nesting at it's worst!
I went for my glucose test at week 24 and that is when I found out I had gestational diabetes. This was just before Christmas 2008. I was devastated. Not just because of the food but because it was another hurdle. I managed to control my GD with diet and didn’t have to take any drugs or inject insulin and amazingly I actually lost weight. Who loses weight when they are pregnant??
Bling’s pregnancy wasn’t as smooth. She suffered terribly with Migraines and sickness. I felt really sorry for her. But she put a brave face on and closer to the end of our pregnancies we decided we would throw ourselves a Baby Shower. We were both having boys and so we scheduled it for the 8th February 2009.
One day a week before the Baby Shower while Hubby was home I called Hubby to the bathroom to fetch me some toilet roll. At the last minute I shouted that my waters had broke as a joke. You should have seen his face it was a classic! He berated me and said I shouldn’t joke about such things and then hid the toilet roll! He also kept telling me to pack my bag “just in case” but I had yet to get round to it.
The Baby Shower rolled around and it was such a great day. We swam in the pool, all our girlfriends were there and we chilled out surrounded by people we loved. When I got home I couldn’t sleep and sat looking at all the beautiful gifts my baby had been given. I was on the way to the nursery to hang up some clothes when I felt a little trickle down my leg.
I thought I had inadvertently wet myself so ran to the toilet. Well the trickle didn’t stop and I suddenly realized that this was it. My waters had broken. 3 weeks before my scheduled C section and 5 weeks before my due date. I sat there dazed. What do I do now? I called Hubby.
He thought I was joking.
I told him I wasn’t.
He swore.
Then he laughed because I hadn’t packed my bag and said “I told you so”
Then he swore again because it was a Sunday night and no planes flew on a weekend on his site. He wouldn’t be making it to the birth. We were both silent.
“Well not many blokes can say that they weren’t there for the conception or the birth but their Mother In Law was” and we both laughed. It was always a risk that he couldn’t make it but again the company he worked for were brilliant and pulled all his planned holidays forward and got him out on the first plane on the Monday.
I then had to call mum and tell her to get here quick smart. Only trouble was she had had a few wines at the Shower and didn’t feel she could drive so I rang Bling and so her and Pirate came over too.
It was like a Benny Hill sketch watching Mum and Bling run around packing my bag trying to find things. My Step-Dad and Pirate just sat on the couch watching sport. My waters were still flowing and so there wasn’t much I could do. Plus I didn’t want to get any ‘water’ on my new floors.
Bling drove me and Mum to the Hospital and My SD and Pirate stayed and looked after Grotbag. I got to the Hospital around midnight and they called Dr N to come in. At 1.59am on Monday 9th February my little baby boy was born by C section. He was 6lb 15oz and he was beautiful.
My little miracle.
Hubby didn’t get to the hospital till 9pm that night but was thrilled to see his new little man. We laughed and cried and hugged and cooed. Even though he was classed as premature he didn’t look prem at all and has been a growing bundle ever since!
And now he is turning 1 and I can’t believe that it was a year ago that it all happened.
I feel eternally blessed that we were so lucky that our very first try with IVF was a success. I could be writing a very different story now if that wasn’t the case.
I must admit I was apprehensive about writing this story. I know people who have been through much more than I have and I carry a lot of guilt over the success of our IVF if that makes any sense. Especially because it worked first time. But I figure everyone has a different story but that sharing our stories, good and bad we can help each other through unbelievable hardships and successes. They can give us hope and even a kin ship that maybe sorely needed at the time.
So that’s my story.
Happy Birthday Little Man you will always be the best birthday present I ever had!
Showing posts with label IVF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IVF. Show all posts
Monday, February 8, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
My IVF Story - Part Three
You can read Part 1 Here and Part 2 Here
Mum and I were just about to head out the door when the phone rang. Naturally I thought it was someone calling to wish me a Happy Birthday so answered the call.
It was the clinic. Both eggs they had were fertilized and they wanted me to go in and have them replanted. Yes that’s right – BOTH of them!
We had said in all our paperwork that we only wanted one egg implanted so we were not ready for the possibility of having both eggs put back.
Dr N said that since this was all they had it was worth trying with both being put back in.
I called Hubby, he was shocked but we both realized the opportunity and so agreed.
It was panic stations at my house. Bling took Grotbag for the morning and Mum agreed to come with me. Well she didn’t really agree I told her she was coming with me!! Neil loves to tell people how he wasn’t even there for the conception but his Mother-In-Law was!
So off to the hospital we go and I couldn’t believe that I was having BOTH eggs implanted and on my birthday no less. I was hopeful that this was a sign. That surely because it was my birthday this was the present I was supposed to have. Surely you sometimes get what you wish for right?
I was told to take it easy for the next few days and then basically I was to wait two weeks, have a blood test and wait for a pregnancy result.
The wait was excruciating. I went back to work and took things easy. I had no symptoms of being pregnant and as each day passed I got more and more despondent. On the Wednesday, two days before my pregnancy blood test, I caved and secretly took a pregnancy test at home.
Negative.
I did another one just in case.
Negative.
I couldn’t believe it. I was so sure that with the eggs being put back on my Birthday it was a good sign.
I spent the next two days in a completed fog and dreading going back for my blood test. I completely downplayed it to anyone who knew I was waiting for my results. Bling was on to me. “you did a test didn’t you?” when I was downplaying the hype to her on the Thursday walking to work. I lied and said I hadn’t but she knew and I later told her the truth.
I knew I had been expecting a lot for the procedure to work the first time. But I reasoned that it was better to find out that I wasn’t pregnant than losing it at 9 or 10 weeks. I didn’t think I could bear that. So I started thinking about “the next time” knowing I would probably produce more eggs and I would have a bit of a higher chance that it would work and we would finally get our second little bundle of joy.
Friday was my day off work and I was so nervous. I went in for my blood test in the morning and then had to wait until 2pm when I could call and ask for my result. Hubby was home and I can honestly say I can’t remember what we did that day. I think we just busied ourselves around the house and played with Grotbag. I knew that the answer would be a negative but I hadn’t told Hubby. I thought that I would try and be strong and upbeat for him seeing as I had had a few days to digest the information.
At 2pm with my heart in my mouth I called and asked for my results. Of course I was put on hold and was just waiting for them to tell me the bad news.
“Hi Amanda, well Congratulations it’s a positive result with really good numbers. Come in on Monday and we will keep doing the blood tests and keep watching making sure the number keep climbing”
I burst into tears. I couldn’t believe it.
I looked at Hubby who was also in tears. I got off the phone and Hubby, Grotbag and I just hugged and cried with each other. Grotbag obviously didn’t know why we were crying but he knew it was a good thing! We stayed like that for at least 20 minutes. The relief of the news was amazing and I couldn’t believe I was pregnant.
Each blood test up until week 8 kept climbing in numbers and I was thrilled. My boobs began to get sore and I started to feel a bit ill in the mornings all which were great signs. Because obviously two eggs had implanted we had to wait and see if I was carrying twins. My first scan confirmed that there was just one little healthy heartbeat which was all the news I had wanted to hear! Twins would have been great but I was happy enough to be carrying the one.
Everyone at work was pleased for me and then I got another surprise. Bling was also pregnant and we were only 11 days apart on our due dates. WOW I couldn’t believe it we were going to share our journey together it was so fantastic.
One day at work when I was about 8.5 weeks pregnant I rushed out to buy some lunch came back and went to the toilet for about the 100th time that day.
And that’s when I saw the blood.
Mum and I were just about to head out the door when the phone rang. Naturally I thought it was someone calling to wish me a Happy Birthday so answered the call.
It was the clinic. Both eggs they had were fertilized and they wanted me to go in and have them replanted. Yes that’s right – BOTH of them!
We had said in all our paperwork that we only wanted one egg implanted so we were not ready for the possibility of having both eggs put back.
Dr N said that since this was all they had it was worth trying with both being put back in.
I called Hubby, he was shocked but we both realized the opportunity and so agreed.
It was panic stations at my house. Bling took Grotbag for the morning and Mum agreed to come with me. Well she didn’t really agree I told her she was coming with me!! Neil loves to tell people how he wasn’t even there for the conception but his Mother-In-Law was!
So off to the hospital we go and I couldn’t believe that I was having BOTH eggs implanted and on my birthday no less. I was hopeful that this was a sign. That surely because it was my birthday this was the present I was supposed to have. Surely you sometimes get what you wish for right?
I was told to take it easy for the next few days and then basically I was to wait two weeks, have a blood test and wait for a pregnancy result.
The wait was excruciating. I went back to work and took things easy. I had no symptoms of being pregnant and as each day passed I got more and more despondent. On the Wednesday, two days before my pregnancy blood test, I caved and secretly took a pregnancy test at home.
Negative.
I did another one just in case.
Negative.
I couldn’t believe it. I was so sure that with the eggs being put back on my Birthday it was a good sign.
I spent the next two days in a completed fog and dreading going back for my blood test. I completely downplayed it to anyone who knew I was waiting for my results. Bling was on to me. “you did a test didn’t you?” when I was downplaying the hype to her on the Thursday walking to work. I lied and said I hadn’t but she knew and I later told her the truth.
I knew I had been expecting a lot for the procedure to work the first time. But I reasoned that it was better to find out that I wasn’t pregnant than losing it at 9 or 10 weeks. I didn’t think I could bear that. So I started thinking about “the next time” knowing I would probably produce more eggs and I would have a bit of a higher chance that it would work and we would finally get our second little bundle of joy.
Friday was my day off work and I was so nervous. I went in for my blood test in the morning and then had to wait until 2pm when I could call and ask for my result. Hubby was home and I can honestly say I can’t remember what we did that day. I think we just busied ourselves around the house and played with Grotbag. I knew that the answer would be a negative but I hadn’t told Hubby. I thought that I would try and be strong and upbeat for him seeing as I had had a few days to digest the information.
At 2pm with my heart in my mouth I called and asked for my results. Of course I was put on hold and was just waiting for them to tell me the bad news.
“Hi Amanda, well Congratulations it’s a positive result with really good numbers. Come in on Monday and we will keep doing the blood tests and keep watching making sure the number keep climbing”
I burst into tears. I couldn’t believe it.
I looked at Hubby who was also in tears. I got off the phone and Hubby, Grotbag and I just hugged and cried with each other. Grotbag obviously didn’t know why we were crying but he knew it was a good thing! We stayed like that for at least 20 minutes. The relief of the news was amazing and I couldn’t believe I was pregnant.
Each blood test up until week 8 kept climbing in numbers and I was thrilled. My boobs began to get sore and I started to feel a bit ill in the mornings all which were great signs. Because obviously two eggs had implanted we had to wait and see if I was carrying twins. My first scan confirmed that there was just one little healthy heartbeat which was all the news I had wanted to hear! Twins would have been great but I was happy enough to be carrying the one.
Everyone at work was pleased for me and then I got another surprise. Bling was also pregnant and we were only 11 days apart on our due dates. WOW I couldn’t believe it we were going to share our journey together it was so fantastic.
One day at work when I was about 8.5 weeks pregnant I rushed out to buy some lunch came back and went to the toilet for about the 100th time that day.
And that’s when I saw the blood.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
My IVF Story - Part Two
You can read Part One HERE
So after a few months of deliberation Hubby and I decided that we would indeed take the path to pregnancy via IVF. The IVF we had to do is called ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection of eggs) which is basically where you take one egg and one sperm and put them together.
We set ourselves a monetary budget and also a time and mental budget. I didn’t want to get to 5 years in the future with no brother or sister for Grotbag, in debt, depressed at not being able to have another child and being mentally absent from Grotbags life. They were brave budgets but we needed to set some goal posts.
And so started the rounds of blood tests. Because I had Grotbag he had to come with me! That kid now does not shy away from needles when he has to have his jabs. He is awesome. At work I let my Boss and the team I was working in know my intentions and that some mornings when I had to have some blood tests I would be a little late for work. They were incredibly understanding and I know that I was very lucky to have such wonderful people around me.
Neil had done his bit, his sperm sample which was frozen. Men! Always the ones with the easy job!!
Two months leading up to “harvest” I had to sniff this stuff to stop my pertuarty glad from getting my body ready for my next menstrual cycle. I had to take it at the same time everyday and could not miss it by a minute or it would throw the whole cycle out. Apparently there was a small leeway that could be used but the nurse refused to tell me what it was – for my own good she said!! I remember being at a work function which was in a movie theatre and having to sniff this stuff in the middle of film. I giggle now but I was scared at what my fellow colleagues would think I was up to. Luckily no one saw!
Then came the bit I was dreading! The needles and self injecting! I have never been squeamish about needles but the thought of having to do it myself gave me chills! I remember turning up to the session where they tell you all the ‘how to’. Naturally I was on my own as Hubby was as usual working away. But in a way I was glad, some of those other Husbands that were there looked very white when talking about injecting. I actually found it very easy and my Boss at the time was a diabetic and he showed me how to do it without bruising myself as badly!
So then came the date when I was to be harvested for my eggs. The drugs I had been taking had been quite a low dose so as not to over stimulate my ovaries too much. This had resulted in my ovaries only producing a few eggs but I knew this was only my first ‘go at it’ so Dr N and I agreed to up the drugs next time round. I remember getting the call to say that I was to go in on Friday 20th June 08 for the Harvest and realizing that Hubby actually flew back to work on the Thursday. We would have to use the frozen sperm instead of fresh. I was a bit crest fallen as Hubby had booked some time off but couldn’t get any more – not even one more day! But the Nurses said that if he came in on the Thursday night the sperm would still be OK for the morning so a fresh batch could be used.
You have probably realized like I did that this meant that Hubby would not be there as support during harvesting of the eggs and also he wouldn’t be there for if the eggs were fertilized and able to be put back. I was used to doing a lot of things on my own but this was one that I thought I needed support for. Call in Super Mum! My Mum came with me to the hospital for harvesting and stayed with me.
They managed to only get two eggs that were viable but I was again trying to think positive. I only needed one!!
I came out of hospital and was told that if there were any fertilized eggs that I would be called in on Monday to have them put back. I put it out of my head and concentrating on doing something nice the next day – as this was going to be my 35th Birthday.
My birthday came around and a bit of retail therapy was definitely in order. Mum came round and so did Bling, my cousin, and we were going to shop up a storm.
That was, until I got the phone call….
So after a few months of deliberation Hubby and I decided that we would indeed take the path to pregnancy via IVF. The IVF we had to do is called ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection of eggs) which is basically where you take one egg and one sperm and put them together.
We set ourselves a monetary budget and also a time and mental budget. I didn’t want to get to 5 years in the future with no brother or sister for Grotbag, in debt, depressed at not being able to have another child and being mentally absent from Grotbags life. They were brave budgets but we needed to set some goal posts.
And so started the rounds of blood tests. Because I had Grotbag he had to come with me! That kid now does not shy away from needles when he has to have his jabs. He is awesome. At work I let my Boss and the team I was working in know my intentions and that some mornings when I had to have some blood tests I would be a little late for work. They were incredibly understanding and I know that I was very lucky to have such wonderful people around me.
Neil had done his bit, his sperm sample which was frozen. Men! Always the ones with the easy job!!
Two months leading up to “harvest” I had to sniff this stuff to stop my pertuarty glad from getting my body ready for my next menstrual cycle. I had to take it at the same time everyday and could not miss it by a minute or it would throw the whole cycle out. Apparently there was a small leeway that could be used but the nurse refused to tell me what it was – for my own good she said!! I remember being at a work function which was in a movie theatre and having to sniff this stuff in the middle of film. I giggle now but I was scared at what my fellow colleagues would think I was up to. Luckily no one saw!
Then came the bit I was dreading! The needles and self injecting! I have never been squeamish about needles but the thought of having to do it myself gave me chills! I remember turning up to the session where they tell you all the ‘how to’. Naturally I was on my own as Hubby was as usual working away. But in a way I was glad, some of those other Husbands that were there looked very white when talking about injecting. I actually found it very easy and my Boss at the time was a diabetic and he showed me how to do it without bruising myself as badly!
So then came the date when I was to be harvested for my eggs. The drugs I had been taking had been quite a low dose so as not to over stimulate my ovaries too much. This had resulted in my ovaries only producing a few eggs but I knew this was only my first ‘go at it’ so Dr N and I agreed to up the drugs next time round. I remember getting the call to say that I was to go in on Friday 20th June 08 for the Harvest and realizing that Hubby actually flew back to work on the Thursday. We would have to use the frozen sperm instead of fresh. I was a bit crest fallen as Hubby had booked some time off but couldn’t get any more – not even one more day! But the Nurses said that if he came in on the Thursday night the sperm would still be OK for the morning so a fresh batch could be used.
You have probably realized like I did that this meant that Hubby would not be there as support during harvesting of the eggs and also he wouldn’t be there for if the eggs were fertilized and able to be put back. I was used to doing a lot of things on my own but this was one that I thought I needed support for. Call in Super Mum! My Mum came with me to the hospital for harvesting and stayed with me.
They managed to only get two eggs that were viable but I was again trying to think positive. I only needed one!!
I came out of hospital and was told that if there were any fertilized eggs that I would be called in on Monday to have them put back. I put it out of my head and concentrating on doing something nice the next day – as this was going to be my 35th Birthday.
My birthday came around and a bit of retail therapy was definitely in order. Mum came round and so did Bling, my cousin, and we were going to shop up a storm.
That was, until I got the phone call….
Friday, February 5, 2010
My IVF Story - Part One
My little baby is turning 1 on Tuesday. I can’t believe that a year has gone already from that fateful day when my waters broke 5 weeks earlier than they should have, and Bugalugs came into the world.
With Bugs turning 1 it was no surprise that I started thinking about the IVF we had to have him with us. And I realized that I had been meaning to share my story with all my readers. But once I started writing it just kept going and going and was way too long for just one post. So our story is actually in four parts. Starting today and ending Bugalugs Birthday on Tuesday!
So here is the first part to our story.
Hubby and I had been married a month when we decided we would start trying for a baby of our own. Hubby has two boys from his previous marriage who are in their late teens and live in the UK. We literally said “Let’s have a baby” and a couple of months later the pregnancy test confirmed my suspicions. We were pregnant with Grotbag.
I had a very good pregnancy with Grotbag, textbook in fact. I was 5 days late and ended up having an emergency C Section as Grotbag was later diagnosed with Sagittal Synostosis which is the premature closing of the sagittal suture in babies. This is the soft spot on the top of a baby’s head, between the left and right sides of the skull. When this closes, growth of the baby’s head from the sides is made impossible and the head can only grow from front to back, which means the head grows into an oblong shape. Grotbag had to have surgery on his skull when he was 4 months old but that story is for a whole different post.
Grotbag was about 18 months old when we decided we were ready to try again for a brother or sister for Grotbag. And sure enough in November 2006 we were pregnant again. I was sooo excited. Unfortunately in the January 2007 at 10 weeks I miscarried. I was devastated as anyone who has had a miscarriage would know. I also had to have a D & C (Dilation and Curettage) which meant a day in hospital and a definite finalization of the pregnancy. I was OK for a few days but then as my hormones were trying to right themselves I was a mess. I would say it took a week for me to function normally. It was hell.
But I like to think that I am a positive person with a cup half full attitude so I brushed myself off, told myself that it happened for a reason and set about trying again. Because my Hubby works away our window of opportunity is fairly small to fall pregnant so when we fell pregnant again in September 07 I was amazed it hadn’t taken that long.
But I was scared of losing this baby too so I couldn’t relax. I can’t believe how I took my pregnancy with Grotbag for granted. And then again at my 9 week scan, my worst fears were realized - there was no heartbeat.
Hubby wasn’t with me this time and I just ran out of the consulting rooms in floods of tears. I couldn’t believe that it had happened again. I again needed a D&C which again was awful. Why me?
I had always seen myself with at least two children but was beginning to think that maybe I was destined to have an only child. At my follow up appointment with Dr N, my OB/GYN, she mentioned to us that we might want to take a look at doing IVF. I couldn’t believe it. We had already had one child naturally and Hubby had two boys from a previous marriage why would we need IVF? She asked us to take some tests to see if there was anything going on, which we did. We found out that although Hubby had millions of sperm there was only 11% that were any good. I also had quite low progesterone which is a very important hormone in the first weeks of growth.
We couldn’t believe it. We had a lot to think about. Did we really want to go down this path? Could we be content with just one child between us? How much money were we willing to spend? Where would we get the money from?
One of my main concerns was how this was going to affect Grotbag. I had been a bit AWOL of late. Since my first miscarriage I had let myself go a bit. I was putting on weight, feeding the void, and could tell you what day of my cycle I was in without even thinking about it. This obviously got worse after the second miscarriage and I felt that I was spinning a bit out of control.
By this time it was October 07 and Hubby and I decided that we would wait until the New Year to make our decision. To give ourselves time to think about whether we wanted to go ahead and that that meant. What we were going to put ourselves and our family through?
In the meantime I decided I wanted to concentrate on anything apart from ‘Getting Pregnant”! So I decided I had better start thinking about ME! I joined weight watchers and by Christmas I had lost 9kg. It was a great feeling and I felt healthy and alive again. The weight that had been lifted of not having to think about pregnancy was amazing and so I was starting to think that IVF might not be for us. Did I want all that stress again?
I myself am an only child and have no horror tales to tell so I was sure that Grotbag would be fine. I was also working and enjoying what I was doing so was in a frame of mind that I didn’t want to upset the apple cart so to speak.
But, there was this gnawing feeling that I hadn’t “finished” yet and I knew that really if I didn’t try to have another baby that this feeling could turn into resentment or worse, bitterness. So really the decision had been made for us. Hubby agreed and said he had the same feeling too and so we decided that we would make the appointment and start the ball rolling on our IVF journey.
Little did we know what lay ahead for us over the next few months!
With Bugs turning 1 it was no surprise that I started thinking about the IVF we had to have him with us. And I realized that I had been meaning to share my story with all my readers. But once I started writing it just kept going and going and was way too long for just one post. So our story is actually in four parts. Starting today and ending Bugalugs Birthday on Tuesday!
So here is the first part to our story.
Hubby and I had been married a month when we decided we would start trying for a baby of our own. Hubby has two boys from his previous marriage who are in their late teens and live in the UK. We literally said “Let’s have a baby” and a couple of months later the pregnancy test confirmed my suspicions. We were pregnant with Grotbag.
I had a very good pregnancy with Grotbag, textbook in fact. I was 5 days late and ended up having an emergency C Section as Grotbag was later diagnosed with Sagittal Synostosis which is the premature closing of the sagittal suture in babies. This is the soft spot on the top of a baby’s head, between the left and right sides of the skull. When this closes, growth of the baby’s head from the sides is made impossible and the head can only grow from front to back, which means the head grows into an oblong shape. Grotbag had to have surgery on his skull when he was 4 months old but that story is for a whole different post.
Grotbag was about 18 months old when we decided we were ready to try again for a brother or sister for Grotbag. And sure enough in November 2006 we were pregnant again. I was sooo excited. Unfortunately in the January 2007 at 10 weeks I miscarried. I was devastated as anyone who has had a miscarriage would know. I also had to have a D & C (Dilation and Curettage) which meant a day in hospital and a definite finalization of the pregnancy. I was OK for a few days but then as my hormones were trying to right themselves I was a mess. I would say it took a week for me to function normally. It was hell.
But I like to think that I am a positive person with a cup half full attitude so I brushed myself off, told myself that it happened for a reason and set about trying again. Because my Hubby works away our window of opportunity is fairly small to fall pregnant so when we fell pregnant again in September 07 I was amazed it hadn’t taken that long.
But I was scared of losing this baby too so I couldn’t relax. I can’t believe how I took my pregnancy with Grotbag for granted. And then again at my 9 week scan, my worst fears were realized - there was no heartbeat.
Hubby wasn’t with me this time and I just ran out of the consulting rooms in floods of tears. I couldn’t believe that it had happened again. I again needed a D&C which again was awful. Why me?
I had always seen myself with at least two children but was beginning to think that maybe I was destined to have an only child. At my follow up appointment with Dr N, my OB/GYN, she mentioned to us that we might want to take a look at doing IVF. I couldn’t believe it. We had already had one child naturally and Hubby had two boys from a previous marriage why would we need IVF? She asked us to take some tests to see if there was anything going on, which we did. We found out that although Hubby had millions of sperm there was only 11% that were any good. I also had quite low progesterone which is a very important hormone in the first weeks of growth.
We couldn’t believe it. We had a lot to think about. Did we really want to go down this path? Could we be content with just one child between us? How much money were we willing to spend? Where would we get the money from?
One of my main concerns was how this was going to affect Grotbag. I had been a bit AWOL of late. Since my first miscarriage I had let myself go a bit. I was putting on weight, feeding the void, and could tell you what day of my cycle I was in without even thinking about it. This obviously got worse after the second miscarriage and I felt that I was spinning a bit out of control.
By this time it was October 07 and Hubby and I decided that we would wait until the New Year to make our decision. To give ourselves time to think about whether we wanted to go ahead and that that meant. What we were going to put ourselves and our family through?
In the meantime I decided I wanted to concentrate on anything apart from ‘Getting Pregnant”! So I decided I had better start thinking about ME! I joined weight watchers and by Christmas I had lost 9kg. It was a great feeling and I felt healthy and alive again. The weight that had been lifted of not having to think about pregnancy was amazing and so I was starting to think that IVF might not be for us. Did I want all that stress again?
I myself am an only child and have no horror tales to tell so I was sure that Grotbag would be fine. I was also working and enjoying what I was doing so was in a frame of mind that I didn’t want to upset the apple cart so to speak.
But, there was this gnawing feeling that I hadn’t “finished” yet and I knew that really if I didn’t try to have another baby that this feeling could turn into resentment or worse, bitterness. So really the decision had been made for us. Hubby agreed and said he had the same feeling too and so we decided that we would make the appointment and start the ball rolling on our IVF journey.
Little did we know what lay ahead for us over the next few months!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Sneak Preview or Ramblings of a Busy Blogger
I didn't have a post ready for today.
I was going to use the time I usually spend blogging reading other blogs and searching out new blogs for me to follow.
I blame the fact that I didn't have a post ready is because I have 100 post ideas floating around in my head (literally floating!) but have absolutely nothing to say.
Sorry but the cupcake sugar has made me ditzier than ever!
So I thought I could write a post about my 'Get Ya Pink On' Pink Ribbon Breakfast I am holding in a few weeks with all proceeds going to the National Breast Cancer Foundation but I want to wait till closer to the time and not just 'bash our a post' for the sake of it.
Or
I could write a post about my 'To Do' list which is so long I have had to make another To Do list to remember to write the To Do list, but who wants to see another To Do List post?
or
I could write one of the four 'heavy' posts that I have been wanting to write about since starting my blog. About my Dad, my miscarriages, The IVF and the huge operation that Grotbag had to have on his head at 4 months old. But I don't have the emotional energy at the moment (see above re; To Do list) and want these to be great pieces of writing I will be proud of and so I need the time and head space to write them.
or
I could write about the fact that I miss my cousin Bling heaps as she has gone to the UK to visit family for 5 weeks. She left on Monday and I feel as if my right arm has been cut off. But it will make me too sad.
or
I could write about how I cope with my Husband working away 2 out of every 3 weeks with me being the majority parent to our two boys and how it works for our family with the pros and cons. But I know that there are single mums and army wives and widows and people that do it much harder than me so would feel a bit like I was preaching to the converted.
or
I could write about how much I love writing and blogging and that most of my day is thinking about blogs and what I can write about today with the words forming in my head only to leap out my ears by the time I am sitting in front of the computer screen. That I forgo doing washing, tidying up or rounding up the dust bunnies in favour of reading and commenting on my favourite blogs. I would love a WHOLE DAY where I could just write without interruptions and read every ones new posts and comment without watching the clock all day!
or
I could just write a post telling all who pass through that I didn't have a post ready for today and that as I sat down at the computer tonight the above is what I came up with. You could call it a 'sneak preview' or you could call it 'ramblings of a busy blogger'.
Either way ..... that's just ME!
I was going to use the time I usually spend blogging reading other blogs and searching out new blogs for me to follow.
I blame the fact that I didn't have a post ready is because I have 100 post ideas floating around in my head (literally floating!) but have absolutely nothing to say.
Sorry but the cupcake sugar has made me ditzier than ever!
So I thought I could write a post about my 'Get Ya Pink On' Pink Ribbon Breakfast I am holding in a few weeks with all proceeds going to the National Breast Cancer Foundation but I want to wait till closer to the time and not just 'bash our a post' for the sake of it.
Or
I could write a post about my 'To Do' list which is so long I have had to make another To Do list to remember to write the To Do list, but who wants to see another To Do List post?
or
I could write one of the four 'heavy' posts that I have been wanting to write about since starting my blog. About my Dad, my miscarriages, The IVF and the huge operation that Grotbag had to have on his head at 4 months old. But I don't have the emotional energy at the moment (see above re; To Do list) and want these to be great pieces of writing I will be proud of and so I need the time and head space to write them.
or
I could write about the fact that I miss my cousin Bling heaps as she has gone to the UK to visit family for 5 weeks. She left on Monday and I feel as if my right arm has been cut off. But it will make me too sad.
or
I could write about how I cope with my Husband working away 2 out of every 3 weeks with me being the majority parent to our two boys and how it works for our family with the pros and cons. But I know that there are single mums and army wives and widows and people that do it much harder than me so would feel a bit like I was preaching to the converted.
or
I could write about how much I love writing and blogging and that most of my day is thinking about blogs and what I can write about today with the words forming in my head only to leap out my ears by the time I am sitting in front of the computer screen. That I forgo doing washing, tidying up or rounding up the dust bunnies in favour of reading and commenting on my favourite blogs. I would love a WHOLE DAY where I could just write without interruptions and read every ones new posts and comment without watching the clock all day!
or
I could just write a post telling all who pass through that I didn't have a post ready for today and that as I sat down at the computer tonight the above is what I came up with. You could call it a 'sneak preview' or you could call it 'ramblings of a busy blogger'.
Either way ..... that's just ME!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Prince Harry
So this is a blog and why my mum is on the computer so much!
Hi there. My Name is Harry (AKA on Mum's blog as Bugalugs). Today my Mum is pretty excited because I am 7 months old. That's me in the picture above. I'm a pretty happy kid and love to smile for the camera. Mum says it's so easy to take a cute picture of me because I smile so much.
At 7 months I am not quite rolling over yet. But Mum takes me to physio every 3 weeks so I can do some training. Lot's of tummy time which I don't mind sometimes but I get tired pretty quickly and then have scream a bit for Mum to turn me over. Works every time :-). Sleeping is one of my favourite things. Mum seems to like this very much and by 6.30pm I am soooo ready for my cot. I am so sleepy that I don't wake till 6.30am. Mum thinks this is the best thing ever. Something about sleep deprivation?
I am loving the veggies Mum has been giving me. But my favourite time of the day is bath time. If I am lucky my big brother will hop in the bath with me and we have so much fun. He loves to make me laugh by pouring water over his head and making silly noises. I also love making very loud noises at the moment. The sound of my own voice is great. I like the word "bah" a lot so will have to work on my vocabulary if I am to get a word in around here!
Even though today is 7 months since I was born I wasn't supposed to arrive till 5 weeks later! I am what they call a Prem Baby. You see while I was in my Mum's tummy all snug and warm, she was feeding me some really good stuff. Like cakes, chocolates, and pretty much anything she wanted. But then some silly nurse told her she had Gestational Diabetes so all I got from then on was lots of whole grains and not a scrap of chocolate. After a couple of weeks I had had enough so decided it was time to get out!
This was much to my Mum and Dad's surprise. You see Dad was still working away and couldn't fly back in time. When Mum called Dad to say "Guess What? my water just broke" the first thing Dad said was "I told you you should have packed your bag!!!!". He got a flight the next day and I met him that night. I love my Dad! And he picked my name!
Poor Mum had just had a lovely day at her baby shower with Auntie Bling when I decided to "burst the dam"! I didn't know it was 11pm at night did I? Mum had to call Grandma and Grandad and Auntie Bling and Uncle Pirate to come over as my big brother Grotbag was in bed. Bling and Grandma were running around all over the house because Mum had left packing her bag thinking she had plenty of time. Bling then drove Mum and Grandma to the hospital.
The lady, Dr M who pulled me out of Mummy's tummy is lovely and Mummy always says how special she is. She also pulled Grotbag out of Mummy's tummy too. Dr M apparently also put me in Mummy's tummy when I was just a couple of cells. I wasn't on my own though, I had another cluster of cells with me but they decided not to hang around and left me to have the cosy little nest all to myself. I caused Mum a bit of sickness most mornings and gave her a few scares. She was very worried about these scares as she had lost a two lots of cells like me in the first 8 weeks previously but Dr M always let her come in and have a scan to make sure I was OK. The scares weren't my fault though, there was a little thing called a hemorrhage near where I was that would bleed if Mummy did things that raised her heartbeat too much. Dad was none to pleased about the "no doing things to raise your heartbeat" rule that Dr M imposed (nudge nudge, wink wink).
Still, I arrived a little yellow but apart from that safe and sound. Mum calls me her little miracle Prince Harry that she thought she would never have. Mum said she knew I would be OK because the day that Dr M put me in her tummy it was her birthday - she says it was a sign.
All in all I love being in this house with this family. My Dad sees me every 3 weeks and spends LOADS of time with me and I LOVE playing with him and hearing him say silly sounds. When he is home he baths and feeds me to give my Mum a break.
Anyway, I think Mum is on her way back so I better get off the computer. Nice to meet you all, I hope you pop back to read my Mum's blog. She loves it when people read what she has written, makes comments and follow her. It makes her happy, and I don't really mind her typing on the computer. She usually does it when I am in bed anyway!
See ya..
Love
Harry xoxo
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The Weight Debate
I am currently attending Weight Watchers Meetings. Yes, hello, my name is Amanda and I have an eating problem. Well it's not a problem as much as a niggle (or jiggle) in my side.
I have never been ultra slim although looking back at photo's of me when I was at school I was pretty average and would be happy to be that average again. My weight started creeping on after I left school. I blame this on not riding my bike once I got my licence and having a disposable income to spend on takeaway. In my early 20's I realised that my height (158cm) was not conducive to my weight so I joined Weight Watchers and lost 5kg which was great and I felt fantastic, fitted into my old clothes etc.
At 23 I moved out of home and slowly it all started to creep on again, went to the UK a couple of times and added some Heathrow kilo's and so on and so on.
6 months before I got married I joined a gym, went everyday and lost a bit of weight but the change was mostly inches and toning of my muscles which I liked. A few months after I was married I fell pregnant with Grotbag and it's all been going down hill ever since.
After Grotbag I gave myself some leave and then we started trying for another baby so naturally my attitude was "well what's the point I will be preggers soon" and low and behold 18 months after Grotbag I did fall pregnant but unfortunately miscarried. The messing with hormones, the unhappiness of it all plus still wanting to fall pregnant again made weight loss a very low priority. 9 months later I fell pregnant but again miscarried. It was all too much, but I suddenly realised I needed a new focus as the baby making was all consuming.
So again I joined Weight Watchers along with Bling (my cousin, who is more like a sister and will make many an appearance in my blogs. So called as she likes a bit of Bling!). I lost 9kg just in time for my work Christmas party and felt fantastic. Then Hubby and I were told that to have another baby we would need IVF. I will probably talk about this in detail another blog but needless to say it involved lots of emotions, lots of drugs and lots of luck. And lucky we were. First time lucky and 9 months later Bugalugs entered this world! Through my pregnancy I got gestational diabetes and also had a hemorrhage which meant I couldn't do anything that raised my heartbeat which meant no exercise or even walking too far.
And so here I am again, carrying baby weight, emotional weight and the occasional Hungry Jacks weight. It's coming off. A lot slower this time and fluctuates depending on the time of the month but I have managed to shed to date 3.1kg (6.8 pounds) and feel much better for it too. I know I have to lose the weight. Having gestational diabetes means I am 50% more likely to get Type 2 diabetes when I am older and this is something that I really want to avoid. I have no more excuses, no more babies on the way and I need to be fit to keep up with my two growing boys, and I want to be a good example for them.
Some days are harder than others. I love food and love cooking so it's all about balance. But I will get there...because at the end of the day I have no alternative!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Birthday's & Miracles
Well today is my birthday. I turned 36. Sigh! Where have all the years gone! I was 15 when my own mum was 36 and then I thought she was ancient. Do 15 year old's now think I am ancient? Today I am also closer to being 40 than I am to being 30. Yikes!
A month before I turned 30 I started getting heart palpitations. I was also planning our wedding and looking for a new house, which I had completely under control. I went to the doctors as I would wake in the middle of the night my heart pounding in my chest. He has been my family doctor since I was 12 so knew me quite well. He asked if I was suffering any stress and I told him about the wedding and the house hunting. He looked at my birth date and said "see you have a birthday coming up, and you are going to be 30". I must have gone white because he just smiled and said, "come back after your birthday, if you are still having them we will do some tests...I just think your worried about turning 30." And indeed I was and funnily enough, after my birthday they disappeared. Imagine how I am going to be a month before I am 40!!!
It's funny when you have little kids and it's your birthday. Master 4 was so excited and helped me open all my presents (read HE opened them all while I ooh and ahh'd over their contents). I baked my own 97% fat free chocolate birthday cake of which Master 4 blew out the candle first, helped me cut the first piece of which he also had. And not want attention to deviate too far from him was pretty much centre of attention most of the day. Being an only child, you would think that this is hard for me but actually, I think it is kinda cute and love 'sharing' my special day with my special boy.
Today was spent how birthday's should be spent...with friends and family. Had a beautiful breakfast with some girlfriends where we gossiped and laughed and lamented how it was all very SATC. In the afternoon I went to my mums with the family where she made enough food to feed a third world country. We all went home comfortably full and all with doggy bags!! I looked around the room at one point while having my baby boy in my arms and saw Master 4 playing junior scrabble with his Great Grandparents, my cousin's hubby was watching the footy, other family members were milling around the kitchen snacking on yummy food, while mum busied herself with making sure everyone had enough to eat, my younger cousin Miss 14 was texting on her mobile & my other cousin, who is like a sister, had her baby boy, only 5 weeks younger than mine, in her arms chatting away. It was a beautiful scene and I feel incredibly lucky to have the wonderful family that I have. It was the perfect birthday present. The only thing that could have made it completely perfect would have been my hubby who, because of his job, misses a lot of these occasions which is sad, but a consequence of the life we have chosen!
And finally, today is not just my birthday. On this very day last year, on the 21st June 2008, my gorgeous little 4 month old baby boy, who at the time was just a small fertilised egg, was, by the wonder that is IVF placed back from where he was taken. Inside my womb. To miraculously grow into the beautiful little 4 month old I held in my arms today. He is and forever will be, the BEST birthday present I have ever received and I am truly honoured to share this special day every year with him. Thank you for being so strong, holding on and bringing me and your daddy so much joy. I love you little guy!!
A month before I turned 30 I started getting heart palpitations. I was also planning our wedding and looking for a new house, which I had completely under control. I went to the doctors as I would wake in the middle of the night my heart pounding in my chest. He has been my family doctor since I was 12 so knew me quite well. He asked if I was suffering any stress and I told him about the wedding and the house hunting. He looked at my birth date and said "see you have a birthday coming up, and you are going to be 30". I must have gone white because he just smiled and said, "come back after your birthday, if you are still having them we will do some tests...I just think your worried about turning 30." And indeed I was and funnily enough, after my birthday they disappeared. Imagine how I am going to be a month before I am 40!!!
It's funny when you have little kids and it's your birthday. Master 4 was so excited and helped me open all my presents (read HE opened them all while I ooh and ahh'd over their contents). I baked my own 97% fat free chocolate birthday cake of which Master 4 blew out the candle first, helped me cut the first piece of which he also had. And not want attention to deviate too far from him was pretty much centre of attention most of the day. Being an only child, you would think that this is hard for me but actually, I think it is kinda cute and love 'sharing' my special day with my special boy.
Today was spent how birthday's should be spent...with friends and family. Had a beautiful breakfast with some girlfriends where we gossiped and laughed and lamented how it was all very SATC. In the afternoon I went to my mums with the family where she made enough food to feed a third world country. We all went home comfortably full and all with doggy bags!! I looked around the room at one point while having my baby boy in my arms and saw Master 4 playing junior scrabble with his Great Grandparents, my cousin's hubby was watching the footy, other family members were milling around the kitchen snacking on yummy food, while mum busied herself with making sure everyone had enough to eat, my younger cousin Miss 14 was texting on her mobile & my other cousin, who is like a sister, had her baby boy, only 5 weeks younger than mine, in her arms chatting away. It was a beautiful scene and I feel incredibly lucky to have the wonderful family that I have. It was the perfect birthday present. The only thing that could have made it completely perfect would have been my hubby who, because of his job, misses a lot of these occasions which is sad, but a consequence of the life we have chosen!
And finally, today is not just my birthday. On this very day last year, on the 21st June 2008, my gorgeous little 4 month old baby boy, who at the time was just a small fertilised egg, was, by the wonder that is IVF placed back from where he was taken. Inside my womb. To miraculously grow into the beautiful little 4 month old I held in my arms today. He is and forever will be, the BEST birthday present I have ever received and I am truly honoured to share this special day every year with him. Thank you for being so strong, holding on and bringing me and your daddy so much joy. I love you little guy!!
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