Monday, October 5, 2009

Commitment Phobic

In July I wrote a post about how I was a Quirky Little Gemini. It was before I had stalkers..ahem I mean Followers as can be attested by the amount of comments that would be zero!

Go ahead I will wait here while you read it.......

Can't be bothered? OK then....

Well in the post I touched on the fact that I am scared of commitment. Not the marrying kind of commitment (obviously as I have been happily married for 5 that went quick) but of committing to 'doing' something at the same time every week. I think it is why I never joined any clubs as a kid or did extra curricular activities that required me at 'training' or anything similar.

There are exceptions to my weird little quirky rule.

1. Relationships - I am committed to all relationships in my life to a fault sometimes.

2. Mum's Group - I relished meeting the mums every week and have made some awesome friends. We don't meet as an entire group anymore which is a shame but still keep in touch via Facebook or meeting more on a one on one basis!

3. My kids commitments - Well the only commitment Buglalugs has at the moment is sleeping through the night for mummy, but Grotbag does have commitments like school and Tae Kwon Do which is 3 times a week. I have only ever missed TKD a few times but that was due to illness, a storm and once when my brain was it's usual sievey self.

Now I am talking about regular commitments at the same time every week. Not social engagements or appointments (although I did cancel my dentist appointment two weeks ago) and I do not cancel one engagement because I another better one comes along. No, I am talking about regular say....Meatless Monday.

Two weeks ago I started Meatless Monday. To much fanfare, I blogged about it and really love the ideology behind it. It was decided much to Hubby's annoyance, but I made a lovely Spinach and Ricotta Cannelloni.


Last Monday I forgot.

This Monday I have remembered but have suddenly gone all commitment phobic on the idea. Is this something I want to do F o r e v e r? It's hard enough figuring out what to have for dinner at the best of times let alone a decent vegetarian meal. And I do love a variety of veggie meals but have had salad with my meal for the last three nights and am a bit over it. I do not I feel like a veggie meal tonight.

And this is where the problem in my head starts. Having made the 'commitment' I then want to rebel and feel that I shouldn't have to do what I don't want to do. I start resenting the 'thing' I have to do so walls start to go up. It was the same with Weight Watchers and really any kind of diet (apart from when I had gestational diabetes I stuck to that diet but really that was a form of a commitment to my child not me). If you tell me I have to do something my initial reaction is to run the other way. It's a form of self sabotage I know and a flaw in my personality I am readily able to admit.

So how do I over come it and stop listening to the voices in my head? How do I really commit to something and stick to it without resenting and hating it?

I really would like to start doing some exercise. I need to do it. And that word need in itself is making me procrastinate and not start. Oh yeah, procrastinating is another personality flaw that I currently possess. Like I should be putting clothes away and not blogging.

What am I scared of in committing? Especially when there are benefits involved.

OK yeah I know I might need some therapy on this one because I really would like to figure it out. And it is probably more deep rooted than I think. But in the mean time I will just have a veggie meal when I want one not just because of the day of the week. And I better go and fold and put the washing away!

Well at least Hubby will be happy!

Are you commitment phobic about anything? Do you feel burdened by having to do the same thing, at the same time every week/fortnight/month?


Michele said...

Wow! Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog!

Okay, since you asked me on my blog,here's my two cents:

I don't think you are "commitment phobic" at all. I think you wrote about doing dull, mundane stuff that has to be done but is not fun to do, is difficult to get anyone in the family to help finish, and is not typically appreciated. Doing the laundry every day/week, doing Meatless Monday every week, etc...I think it's just the idea of doing the same things over and over again that aren't the most fun things to do. How can you get inspired over that?

There's a reason why depression is on the rise among mothers...and it's not because they have to fold laundry or drive carpool or pay the bills. In my opinion, it's a combination of monotony of the work and lack of appreciation from family/society day in and day out.

Okay, so I am REALLY over-simplifying and over-generalizing here, but that's what I think.

Alicia said...

Wow I think you just wrote about my life. I feel rebellious to any sort of commitments, and if I do commit and go regularly as soon as I skip a session I really don't feel like going anymore and I have to push myself to go.

Oh and I'm a HUGE procrastinator too.

So you are not alone in this. :-)

...Mrs.P! said...

I feel exactly the same way, esp about exercise. Mr.P has the same problem, he's become a bit of a gym junkie but as he says, it only takes one day of not going for him to have to push himself to go the next day. I think for me my big problem is motivation...there is no real motivation for me to do mundane things, such as house work...which is why I try to invite people over at least once or twice a month...forces me to give the house a good clean out of sheer embarresment!

Momma G.Love said...

You aren't commitment phobic at all. I do the same thing. I say I am going to start something, start it guns blazing, then I fizzle. I could have written this post myself. My hubster likes to remind me that I never see something to completion (and he's right)! You are not alone! :)

...stopping by from SITS...

Steph @ Stick It in the Fridge

leigh said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. These commitments are self imposed goals that popped up into your own brain. A lady has a right to change her her mind or put things off. You take care of everyone else so allow yourself a little wiggle room.

That'll be $150 for this therapy session.

Thanks for visiting me over at Leigh vs Laundry. Hopefully we'll be seeing a lot of eachother.


Ms. Wanda said...

Hi, dropping in from SITS:)
Oh man what a great subject "Commitment", yikes!
I am committed to my family but, not to myself, why? Don't know, maybe it's fear. I think I'm afraid of being bored after awhile. I think that after I run around doing family stuff like, baseball, dance class, school, grocery shopping, etc., I think I want the choice to just cool out and stay home.

However, this is not working either, I need to and will get committed this year. Just joined a new church and I'm thinking about joining the choir! This is going to require me to get committed, and let go of my fear and my ho-hum-nis of life:)

You know Blogging is commitment, so this is definitely a start for us non-committers:)!!!

That One Mom said...

Hahaha,oh Amanda! I heart you! I totally get what you mean! I am so bad at "commitments" in all senses of the word! I can't even commit to a daily routine!

Erin M. said...

Well, you're one step ahead of me because I've been wanting to do Meatless Monday for a long time, but just haven't hopped on the official train yet. Partly because my husband feels that if there's no meat in the meal, it's not really a MEAL.

I was thinking maybe if I did it without much fanfare or any announcements, maybe he wouldn't notice it, or at least notice its regularity/repetition. It's pathetic that I first started thinking about it when Oprah Winfrey talked about it on her last Earth Day show over the summer. I SUCK!

As for exercise....I never did much of it either. Until about 2 years ago. I wanted to get rid of the baby weight and feel better about myself. One day I decided to walk. And I got up and did it again the next day and the next. It felt so good. I did it about 4 days a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Then I began jogging for bits of the "walk." Eventually I was able to jog the whole thing without stopping---3 miles.

But walking/running became hard in the winter months especially. Too cold. So I decided to try Jazzercise (which I know is not everywhere, but I think there are some locations in Canada and the UK, as well as all over the US). I love it. It's indoors. Classes at all times of the day. Babysitting offered at multiple classes each day. It's a full workout---warm up, aerobics/cardio, strength training, abs and weights. One hour. Sometimes I'm motivated to go just to escape my kids for an hour while they're in the babysitting room there!!!

I don't like committment, either. But honestly the exercise just sort of happened. I went one day...and then again...and those endorphins that come from exercise? It's not a lie. You're on a high afterwards & you feel so good about yourself. It's worth it just for that feeling.

SOrry this comment got so long!!!

p.s. don't beat yourself up for missing a Meatless Monday every so often. If you do, you'll never do it again. You have to be nicer to yourself! You are a great person for wanting to do it in the first place--that counts for something in my book.


it's not that we are scared of committing, it's just that we know what a pain in the arse it is HA

Ms Bibi said...

Love your post.

Myself being Gemini I can relate. Maybe it's out multiple personalities that cause all the havoc and all the voices in our head.

Happily married for 16 years and making sure that my boys finish everything they start I can not commit to:
diets, exercise,chores schedules and more.

I just started a blog where I gave myself a challenge to change my life in 365 days and I committed myself to blog every day about it. So it should be interesting to see if I can do it.

But back to you (sorry about my detour).I don't think you are commitment phobic you are just human trying to avoid things that are not exciting enough for you.

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

I wouldn't call you a committment phobic - you're just keeping your options open! What is wrong with that? NOTHING! Why can't you tentatively plan some things but still be open to change them? Like say you're going to go for a walk but don't narrow it down to a certain time every day. Say that you'll have a meatless night twice a month and be flexible on your night to make it work for you.

Like you, I'm committed to my marriage and relationships but hate to have a "regular" thing all the time. That's why you won't see me participating in those blog days like "Wordless Wednesday" or whatever it is. Now, I'm not saying that those things are bad, I just don't want to do them forever either. Plus, I can't be wordless anyway. My mouth is too big for that. Here I am just rambling on now.... when I need to pack and clean....

Anyway, know that you are NOT alone!

Diggestive said...

Yea agree whole heartedly

The Blonde Duck said...

Popped in from SITS to say hi!

The Blonde Duck said...

And I totally agree with you--I only commit to things I truly love...

Amber Page Writes said...

Ha! That's exactly how I feel. I call that commitment-phobe voice my inner teenager, and treat it as you would any obnoxious teen - tell it to shut up and behave or I'll take its car keys away.

But seriously,I've found the only way to make myself do something once this voice starts is by wholeheartedly ignoring it (and it doesn't always work).

Good luck!

Love the name of your blog, BTW.

The Grown-Up Child said...

I'm a gemini too, so I completely relate. I could never do meatless Monday. Take out Tuesday? Now that's something I might be able to stick to. ;)

AndreaLeigh said...

I get what you mean. I kind of shun clubs for the same reason. I just am such a "feeling" person and I never know if I will feel like doing that activity every week.

Lara said...

Um, yeah!

I'm not even a Gemini and I have an extreme aversion to schedules and diets and things that tell me what I HAVE to do.

Now, if I have to do it for my kids, that's one thing. But I hate having restraints on my time and my choices. Very very bad.

I'm working on it.

Amanda {My Life Badly Written} said...

Oh I love that I am not the only one out there!! Safety in numbers!!! Is it a coincidence that we all like blogging too???

Vodka Logic said...

I read the linked post and commented. As for this one, I am phobic about it all. I make plans to do something regularly and never get to it.

I hate to admit it but I don't think it is commitment issues but being lazy. lol

Lisa in Oz said...

I could have written everything in this post! I have trouble with committing to monotonous things as well, especially when it's difficult or uncomfortable (like exercising, which I KNOW I need to do, but the nice soft couch and my laptop are soooo much more appealing). If you find the secret to overcoming it (aside from steely self discipline lol) let me know!

kyslp said...

I am not so much commitment phobic. It is more like a fear of failure (with a touch of fear of commitment).

I just can't stay with anything. (Sewing, quilting, dieting, exercise, being nice, etc.) I will be gung-ho for the first week or so and then - meh. That's it.

Sara said...

I'm the total opposite. I can do the exact same thing every week and have no problem with it.

Relationships, however... now that mess is scary.

Joy said...

I like what Leigh said - "a lady has a right to change her mind."

plainolebob said...

when we would drop the ball, fumble, in a game, the coach would have us carry the ball around all week, and hold it like a baby.
Grab some cauliflour carry it around for a week, then throw it out and cook a nice t-bone.

plainolebob said...


Amber Page Writes said...

I love your blog so much, I just had to include you on my list of awardees...

But I can't figure out how to get the button to post here, so visit me if you'd like to accept it!

Gretchen said...

Great points about commitment! You don't sound like you have any phobias on committment at all, you sound very normal girlfriend! With a busy schedule and life, you can only fit so many things in! My two cents of advice; instead of beating yourself up for NOT doing something, only congratulate yourself when you do it. No more guilt, you deserve a pat on the back for all the wonderful things you do! :) PS - thank you for your sweet comments on my blog! ~Gretchen

Cynthia@RunningWithLetters said...

I've been seeing you over on the "roll call" at SITS, and decided to stop by and say hi. I'm kinds sorry to hear that Meatless Monday didn't last. I'm meatless most every day, and some recipes or interesting, meatless banter might have been refreshing LOL. I struggle with commitments, too. I think to some extent it is human nature. You aren't alone!

Stephanie Faris said...

That's just the rebel in you! I think we all do that, to a certain extent. I wouldn't want to commit to a certain thing either, especially when it comes to food. I can't even commit to sticking to a diet!

Diggestive said...

Just wanted to say how much I enjoy your blog and therefore thought I would pass on an award I received .

Thx again

Mama Kat said...

I think you're normal. I THINK. Sometimes I get annoyed at myself for starting a weekly meme too..but at least mine is just thinking of something to write every week. Vegetarian meals!?! Once a week!?! Fuhgetabouit. Start with once a month and then work your way up. :)


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